B/A ficlet, Becomming
Mar. 31st, 2005 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starsthatshineThis is your birthday ficlet ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_helygen_, I hope you enjoy it.
Name: Because He Trusts Me
Rating: PG-13
Author: Emelie
Pairing: B/A
Setting: Buffy's POV in Becomming part 2
For the first time, I understand it all: understand what being the Slayer means, what I have to give up and how the rest of my life is going to look. Funny what perspective you get when you hold a sword above your head, about to shop the head off your boyfriend's evil self.
But then off course, when you see things the clearest, something happens. For me, it was just a loud gasp from him and suddenly it was as if I understood that too: but I didn't want to believe it. His eyes started to glow, bright and red and I feel the change. I take a step back; I don’t want this to happen, not now.
Angel's eyes are now back to normal, I see that because he's looking at me. He doesn't understand what this means, what I have to do: I doubt he even remembers at all. He collapses on the floor, I think I hear him cry but I say nothing: what am I suppose to say?
Suddenly my brain reminds me that this might be another trick: Angelus was known to sink low in a moment of defeat and then turn it over to his own advantage: I keep my sword up. Angel rises again and I see his eyes: the pain, the confusion. They are full of tears and I wish I knew how to explain this to him.
"Buffy?" He says softly while sobbing lightly. "What's going on?"
I know something has happened but my brain is still in disbelief. He gets on his feet, his eyes never leaving my face. My mind screams it's a trick while my heart thinks that somehow Willow's restoration spell had succeeded.
"Where are we? I-I don't remember." I am slowly lowering the sword, my brain understands now... No no, I don’t want this, I don’t want to kill him. I don't want to believe this.
"Angel?" I ask softly before I can stop myself: I have to know. A part of me understands while the other just stares at everything, refusing to believe a word: it's ripping me apart.
His eyes go to my arm and he says I'm hurt. I remember Angelus had slashed me lightly with his sword; I seemed almost as if I had forgotten during these few seconds. I look down on the wound and I feel him gently touch me as if I was going to break.
I don’t mind about the cut, it'll heal but how will this? I look at him and I step closer to him and before I know it his arms are around me: embracing me tightly.
"Oh, Buffy... God." he exclaims, still holding me close. I guess my brain starts to go into a one track mind right now 'cause all I can hear in my head is that this is a trick, although I don't know how to let go of him.
" I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months."
I hug him now; I close my eyes because I hope that if I do, it will all go away. Just take a deep breath and it will go away.
"Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I..." He hugs me even closer as if he's trying to hold on to something so he wouldn't fly away. I feel his scent and suddenly I think he starts to remember.
"Oh..." He just stares a bit first as if everything is melting together in his mind. He sighs deeply and kisses me on the shoulder. It hurt so badly: my heart ached and I knew that the kiss on the shoulder had opened a wound that would never really heal. "Oh, Buffy..."
I do something that I haven't almost done in a year: I cry. I cry into his shoulder and hug him back. Why me? Why me out of all the girls in the world? Why did everything have to happen for me? I see Acathla's waking up: those hideous eyes are glowing red and his mouth opens: ready to serve its purpose.
I suddenly let go of Angel, looking into his face. God how I will miss that face... He sees something is going on and he asks about it.
"Shh. Don't worry about it." I whisper reassuringly: brushes my finger against his lips and across his face. I don't want to loose him: I kiss him. I kiss him like I never kissed him before: I feel my heart shatter and I hear my body going numb. If I kiss him any longer I'll die. Instead I look deeply into his eyes.
"I love you."
"I love you." He whispers back and hated everything for that. I hated him, I hated me, and I hated Acathla. I'm too young for this. I shouldn't be doing this: I should be sitting in my living room gossiping about boys, like I did before I was a Slayer. "Close your eyes." I nod my head he closes them.
He trusts me, I thought sadly and I try not to cry. Even though my best efforts I start crying, I kiss him gently. He must've felt the salty tears, he knows something is up, but he doesn't open them. Because he trusts me, I thought again bitterly.
I step back. It says that your life passes in review before your eyes before you die, that was what my brain was doing to me anyway because in a guess, I was killing myself right in this moment. I slam the sword into him: I can hear bones break and the tears fall down my cheeks. His eyes open in shock and he looks at me... That look will haunt me forever. He finally thought we were together again, that he was home again: but all I did was to slam a sword through him. I can’t look at his face so I look at the sword.
"Buffy..." he says, he was clearly in pain but if it was psychical or emotional I couldn't tell. Behind him the sword is going what it is suppose to. I only look at the sword, I don't want to look at his face and realize my mistake: I'm going to be strong, I'm going to stand by my decision.
He's holding out his hand for me, I guess the portal is starting to suck him in now. He holds it out and trusts me that I will bring him back to safety. The portal closes with a spark and all I can do is stare at the statue that was now all stone.
I'm trying to start my brain again but everything is numb and when the brain does start to reach I wish it would go back and be numb. I suddenly understand what it is what I've done: I've sent Angel to hell and I'll never see him again. I've lost him - again.
I cry, I don't want to be the Slayer anymore: I don't want to be strong. I just want to be a girl.
THE END
What do you think about it? I had this in my mind ever since I saw Becomming. I'm sure it suck but hey.. it's late so I blame that ;) Let me know what you think.
Don't worrykillprettyx, I haven't forgotten yours, I'm working on a plot right now :)
_helygen_, I hope you enjoy it.Name: Because He Trusts Me
Rating: PG-13
Author: Emelie
Pairing: B/A
Setting: Buffy's POV in Becomming part 2
For the first time, I understand it all: understand what being the Slayer means, what I have to give up and how the rest of my life is going to look. Funny what perspective you get when you hold a sword above your head, about to shop the head off your boyfriend's evil self.
But then off course, when you see things the clearest, something happens. For me, it was just a loud gasp from him and suddenly it was as if I understood that too: but I didn't want to believe it. His eyes started to glow, bright and red and I feel the change. I take a step back; I don’t want this to happen, not now.
Angel's eyes are now back to normal, I see that because he's looking at me. He doesn't understand what this means, what I have to do: I doubt he even remembers at all. He collapses on the floor, I think I hear him cry but I say nothing: what am I suppose to say?
Suddenly my brain reminds me that this might be another trick: Angelus was known to sink low in a moment of defeat and then turn it over to his own advantage: I keep my sword up. Angel rises again and I see his eyes: the pain, the confusion. They are full of tears and I wish I knew how to explain this to him.
"Buffy?" He says softly while sobbing lightly. "What's going on?"
I know something has happened but my brain is still in disbelief. He gets on his feet, his eyes never leaving my face. My mind screams it's a trick while my heart thinks that somehow Willow's restoration spell had succeeded.
"Where are we? I-I don't remember." I am slowly lowering the sword, my brain understands now... No no, I don’t want this, I don’t want to kill him. I don't want to believe this.
"Angel?" I ask softly before I can stop myself: I have to know. A part of me understands while the other just stares at everything, refusing to believe a word: it's ripping me apart.
His eyes go to my arm and he says I'm hurt. I remember Angelus had slashed me lightly with his sword; I seemed almost as if I had forgotten during these few seconds. I look down on the wound and I feel him gently touch me as if I was going to break.
I don’t mind about the cut, it'll heal but how will this? I look at him and I step closer to him and before I know it his arms are around me: embracing me tightly.
"Oh, Buffy... God." he exclaims, still holding me close. I guess my brain starts to go into a one track mind right now 'cause all I can hear in my head is that this is a trick, although I don't know how to let go of him.
" I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months."
I hug him now; I close my eyes because I hope that if I do, it will all go away. Just take a deep breath and it will go away.
"Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I..." He hugs me even closer as if he's trying to hold on to something so he wouldn't fly away. I feel his scent and suddenly I think he starts to remember.
"Oh..." He just stares a bit first as if everything is melting together in his mind. He sighs deeply and kisses me on the shoulder. It hurt so badly: my heart ached and I knew that the kiss on the shoulder had opened a wound that would never really heal. "Oh, Buffy..."
I do something that I haven't almost done in a year: I cry. I cry into his shoulder and hug him back. Why me? Why me out of all the girls in the world? Why did everything have to happen for me? I see Acathla's waking up: those hideous eyes are glowing red and his mouth opens: ready to serve its purpose.
I suddenly let go of Angel, looking into his face. God how I will miss that face... He sees something is going on and he asks about it.
"Shh. Don't worry about it." I whisper reassuringly: brushes my finger against his lips and across his face. I don't want to loose him: I kiss him. I kiss him like I never kissed him before: I feel my heart shatter and I hear my body going numb. If I kiss him any longer I'll die. Instead I look deeply into his eyes.
"I love you."
"I love you." He whispers back and hated everything for that. I hated him, I hated me, and I hated Acathla. I'm too young for this. I shouldn't be doing this: I should be sitting in my living room gossiping about boys, like I did before I was a Slayer. "Close your eyes." I nod my head he closes them.
He trusts me, I thought sadly and I try not to cry. Even though my best efforts I start crying, I kiss him gently. He must've felt the salty tears, he knows something is up, but he doesn't open them. Because he trusts me, I thought again bitterly.
I step back. It says that your life passes in review before your eyes before you die, that was what my brain was doing to me anyway because in a guess, I was killing myself right in this moment. I slam the sword into him: I can hear bones break and the tears fall down my cheeks. His eyes open in shock and he looks at me... That look will haunt me forever. He finally thought we were together again, that he was home again: but all I did was to slam a sword through him. I can’t look at his face so I look at the sword.
"Buffy..." he says, he was clearly in pain but if it was psychical or emotional I couldn't tell. Behind him the sword is going what it is suppose to. I only look at the sword, I don't want to look at his face and realize my mistake: I'm going to be strong, I'm going to stand by my decision.
He's holding out his hand for me, I guess the portal is starting to suck him in now. He holds it out and trusts me that I will bring him back to safety. The portal closes with a spark and all I can do is stare at the statue that was now all stone.
I'm trying to start my brain again but everything is numb and when the brain does start to reach I wish it would go back and be numb. I suddenly understand what it is what I've done: I've sent Angel to hell and I'll never see him again. I've lost him - again.
I cry, I don't want to be the Slayer anymore: I don't want to be strong. I just want to be a girl.
THE END
What do you think about it? I had this in my mind ever since I saw Becomming. I'm sure it suck but hey.. it's late so I blame that ;) Let me know what you think.
Don't worry
killprettyx, I haven't forgotten yours, I'm working on a plot right now :)
